Tie-Dye Dude Gets It

99 cent onesie

I stood, awkwardly, waiting for the Salvation Army cashier to wrap up the dishes I was buying. The guy behind me in line had only one item.

"I'm sorry you have to wait for me, I'd've let you go ahead of me if you'd been here before she started ringing me up."

"It's okay, I'm not in a hurry."

He was thin and scruffy, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and a crazy, unkempt beard. I could imagine him riding his bicycle around town all day and selling interesting weird things at street fairs.

Holding up the shorts he was going to buy he said, "I finally found a pair that fits me! It's hard to find ones that fit, they're all different."

"Oh, women's clothing is even harder, I have 4 different sizes in my closet that all fit. Well, they did before, anyway," with a little laugh and a gesture to show that "before" meant "before I was pregnant."

I stood, swaying slowly side to side, one hand on my belly, waiting for my purchases so I could go about my day, already thinking about where I needed to go next.

"Is the baby bothering you?"

Snapping back, "Hmm?"

"The baby, is it bothering you?" He looks down to my stomach and I realize he means because I've been rubbing my belly.

"Oh, no. [pause] I just like..." and I trail off, unsure of what to say, taking my bags from the cashier now.

"Falling in love?"



Thank you, Tie-Dye Dude. Yes, precisely.

28 Weeks--Part 2, Cravings

Some other bloggers do weekly updates on their pregnancy--stats, symptoms, cravings, baby purchases, etc. Since this is the first time I'm doing this "pregnancy status report," I'm including past information as well (so it's long and I'm breaking it up into several posts). I realize this is boring information for most people, especially if you've been pregnant so this is all old hat to you or you have no interest in having a baby, but I want to document and remember these things--and what's a blog for if not that? I hope to continue to do these at least every other week--I wish I'd started right away, at the time I felt like I'd always remember every detail but of course I'm already forgetting. Better late than never. :) Part 1 can be found here.

What are you craving? I'm finally having a bit of a break from cravings! Most recently it's been fruit, which I'm still eating but not with the same ferocity that I was for a while there--a Costco-sized box of raspberries a day, half a small watermelon at a time, blueberries, blackberries, whatever. :) That's a great craving to have compared to some of them I've had the past 28 weeks.


I mentioned that I didn't really have morning sickness during the first trimester; what I had instead was all-day-hunger. I ate and ate and ate, and when I finished eating I was already thinking about what to have next. For a while I was gaining weight so rapidly that I worried I'd gain 100 pounds during this pregnancy, but I was just HUNGRY all.the.time. And only wanted to eat carbs!

One day, this was breakfast. Don't judge. Jonathan told me that putting bacon on my mashed potatoes made them more breakfasty. It certainly made them more delicious.

One night at about 14-15 weeks Lori mentioned corn-dogs on Facebook, and wouldn't you know that at 8 pm on a Sunday night I found myself driving to not one but two convenience stores (that's where I used to buy them as a kid) and finally ended up in the frozen foods section of the grocery store. I hadn't had a corn-dog in so long that I didn't even know you could buy them in the grocery store! Of course they only come in a box of 16; thanks a lot for mentioning corn-dogs, Lori! ;)

I can't believe I don't have a picture of the corn-dogs. It must've been the shame of buying and eating corn-dogs that prevented me from taking a photo of them. This photo, however, shows what happens when a pregnant lady goes to the store for Caesar salad. See it there in the back right?

Very early on (8-12 weeks) I had a few cravings that hit me hard but then passed once I gave in: deep fried dill pickles, which I had to Google to find locally and Jason kindly accompanied me clear across town for dinner to have; a cheeseburger with only and exactly bacon, avocado, and mayo on it; quiche, even though eggs sounded disgusting; waffles topped with berry compote and whipped cream, which I tried to avoid because Jason was gone and I didn't want to go to IHOP by myself, but it was all I could think about for three days so I finally gave in and made it at home.


For a few weeks very early I couldn't get enough chocolate milk. After that came a grape juice phase. I had a week of root beer float cravings, too. Then I had a serious Slurpee jones; it had been probably a dozen years since I'd had a Slurpee in normal, not-vacationing-in-Florida-visiting-Lori life, but for a while I couldn't get enough. I finally gave in and bought a Magic Bullet to make healthier versions at home, and now--naturally--the weather's cooled down a bit and I'm not craving them anymore. But I expect that will change when things heat up again. **It has heated back up and I'm not craving Slurpees. I've used the Magic Bullet only twice.**


The weirdest thing for me is that I now have a huge sweet tooth. Before, if given the option of almost any dessert or a bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy I'd choose the salty carbs every time; the thought of eating a lot of icing on a piece of cake made me sick to my stomach. Now? I love and crave sweets. Megan said the same thing happened to her, and she went back to normal after she delivered her sweet Benton. So we'll see!


It's somewhat ironic that I'm ending this post this morning with three photos of sweets because I have my glucose tolerance test today so I'm avoiding sweets. Which naturally makes me want to have doughnuts and sweet tea for breakfast (neither of which I even have in the house, although I suppose I could make sweet tea. But I won't).

I'll post the final part of this tomorrow--with more baby bump photos! Assuming I take them today. *cough*

28 Weeks--Part 1

Some other bloggers do weekly updates on their pregnancy--stats, symptoms, cravings, baby purchases, etc. Since this is the first time I'm doing this "pregnancy status report," I'm including past information as well (so it's long and I'm breaking it up into several posts). I realize this is boring information for most people, especially if you've been pregnant so this is all old hat to you or you have no interest in having a baby, but I want to document and remember these things--and what's a blog for if not that? I hope to continue to do these at least every other week--I wish I'd started right away, at the time I felt like I'd always remember every detail but of course I'm already forgetting. Better late than never. :) Also, I almost went around the house taking photos of relevant items like Tums and my body pillow just to have some photos in this post, but then I remembered I have 8 zillion things to do and you all know what Tums look like. So, long on words and short on photos, sorry!

How Far along? 28 weeks! That's 70% of the way! THIRD TRIMESTER, BABY!! :)


Size of the baby? The average size listed in books & etc is about 15 inches from head to heel, and 2 and a quarter pounds.

Any new symptoms? The very first "symptom" I had was a major shift in sleeping patterns. Normally I'm a total night owl and love to sleep in, but suddenly I was falling asleep on the couch at 8 pm and waking up--I mean, WIDE AWAKE--at 4 am. Even if we had something planned and I managed to keep myself awake until 10 pm, I'd still wake up at 3:30 or 4 am. This has varied a bit since then, and I'm not waking up that early, but 6 am is still pretty normal for me these days, even on days when we've stayed up the night before and I don't have anything I need to get up for. And when I'm tired it's not just like I'm tired, it's like I'm a mama grizzly bear that's been hit with a tranquilizer dart--I practically can't even talk coherently, and it's all I can do to get upstairs, take out my contacts, brush my teeth, and change my clothes before falling into bed. Now I try to go to bed way before I get that tired, but early on when I wasn't used to it yet Jason had to help me up to bed a few times.

I didn't really ever suffer morning sickness, I just had a very touchy stomach and I only wanted to eat carbs (and carbs and more carbs and more more more carbs). I almost never eat cereal for breakfast but I went through five boxes in the first few months, not to mention potatoes, popcorn, crackers, etc, etc, etc. I only threw up a couple of times and both were right after I'd taken my prenatal vitamin. I discovered that I can take it at night even on an empty stomach and it doesn't bother me, but taking it in the morning was a recipe for disaster. I also have a very strong gag reflex now, and made myself throw up once by brushing my tongue exactly like I always have. Fun!

For a few weeks I felt like a superhero whose superpower was smelling; I could smell flowers from across the room, and when Jason worked on his motorcycle in the garage I could smell oil and gasoline in the entire house. I wouldn't let Jason cook eggs because I could smell them all day. Pre-pregnancy I ate eggs for breakfast almost every morning, but as soon as I got pregnant (and I knew almost immediately) they became, well... let's just say unappetizing. For a while, just thinking about them or seeing them on TV made me sick to my stomach. I've eaten them a few times since, but for the most part I avoid them, and I don't even have any in the house.

I was pretty much exhausted for the first four months or so, and took naps almost every day for a while. On the days I didn't take a nap I had to at least have an hour of rest in the afternoon where I wasn't doing anything--no internet, no reading, no TV even. I found what I call the "in-between," when I'd lay down to take a nap and just lay there, feeling awake and thinking about things but happy to be laying down with my eyes closed... and then I'd wake up in a big puddle of drool, so obviously I'd actually been sleeping... I think? My energy came (is coming?) back slowly--some women say they wake up one day and feel like their old selves again, full of energy, but that didn't happen with me. Some days I'm still tired, not like I didn't get enough sleep but just like my body's telling me to rest. I listen, and I still take a nap about once a week.

"Baby brain" struck early. I remember I was making two little matching mini-scrapbooks, one for Jason and one for me, and I was trying to decide which colors to use that best represent each of us. I chose turquoise for mine (which I love and use for all my Create Beauty Daily packaging), but couldn't decide at all for Jason's. I thought about it for a couple days--red for his Ducati? blue for his eyes and because the color looks so good on him?--until I finally just asked him. He looked at me with a "Seriously?" expression, and it suddenly hit me--duh, ORANGE. He's a third-generation Oregon State (Beavers) alum and when I do laundry I often have an entire load of oranges. His closet is filled with orange. He avoids forest green--especially when it's with yellow--because those are the colors of the rival University of Oregon (Ducks). Orange is so obviously the color choice for Jason that this was the first and is the perfect example to me of just how powerful baby brain can be. Now I write everything down because I know I'll never remember it like I used to be able to. I'm an excellent speller but I'll have a complete mental block about how to spell something or, worse, just totally misspell words while I'm typing without even noticing it until hours later (so please forgive the inevitable typos here). And I have occasional pure-baby-brain moments. I used to be smart, I swear.

My skin has changed, too. Early on I got small breakouts on my upper back/neck/shoulders (but nowhere else--weird). A lot of my moles are puffy now, or even puffier than they were before... I've had them looked at and it's fine, just a normal reaction due to hormonal changes. I've developed little pink & red spider-veins all up & down my arms & hands and a few on my chest, one or two on my face. I'm not sure if it's because I'm older and care less, or because Jason tells me I'm beautiful at least once a day, or just because I'm so thrilled to be pregnant, but they don't bother me at all, even the ones on my face. Even if they don't go away after delivery. Oh well. On the bright side, my skin is a lot less oily than it usually is!

I don't want to go into detail here, but let's just say that there are a lot of normal changes that might happen to a woman's breasts and nipples when she gets pregnant and YEP, I have those. Jason's joke is that he can shape his hand like he's palming a basketball and it will fit on my body in a great many places these days. Curves, I have 'em (and he loves 'em).

I've had a few issues with my feet & ankles swelling (edema), but I have it fairly under control. I try to put my feet up whenever I'm sitting down; I wear socks and tennis shoes or Converse instead of flip-flops when I'm out and about (thanks to Chiara for the tip); I drink an obscene amount of water; I wear compression socks at night if I have any swelling at all that day (thanks to my neighbor Maren for giving me the socks, formerly part of her son's Pilgrim costume for a school performance, ha!).

I'm so thankful for my neti pot because I have what about 30% of pregnant women suffer; "rhinitis of pregnancy." Basically it means that I feel stuffed-up all the time, even though I can't blow my nose because there's nothing much in there, just swollen mucous membranes. No big deal, just kind of annoying sometimes to be such a mouth-breather, ha ha, and it means I snore sometimes at night.

Of course I knew that pregnant women have to pee a lot, but it surprised me to discover that this happens (or can happen) early as a result of hormonal changes (plus I was drinking a lot more water). From very early on I was awake at least once in the middle of the night, which was very, very unusual for me--I almost never had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night before. I still remember waking up and walking to the bathroom in the dark, with my hand on my (mostly-flat) belly and a huge smile on my face. I never minded getting out of bed in the middle of the night because that meant that things were going well, I was still pregnant, Hello, baby in my belly, I love you, please please stay. I honestly loved and treasured every single early symptom... just thinking and writing about those first middle-of-the-night bathroom trips is bringing tears to my eyes. I'm so grateful. Now I'm waking up between one and four times a night to go to the bathroom. And I still don't mind.

For about the first 5 months I felt even more emotionally and hormonally balanced than I usually do. I'm still pretty calm and rational most of the time, but it catches up to me every once in a while now for the past couple weeks. Did you know that when pregnant, a woman creates about the same amount of estrogen that she normally produces in an entire month during her normal cycle... every. single. DAY!?! I mean, think of the last time that you had a PMS-y day or two... and then figure that you have more hormones than that rushing through your bloodstream every day when you're pregnant. It's kind of mind-boggling, actually. So I suppose it's only normal that every once in a while that catches up to me and I cry for nearly no reason or suddenly feel that everything is URGENT OMG! When it's happening I know that it's happening, I know that it's hormonal, I know that it's not rational, and yet this knowledge makes not one tiny bit of difference in the way that I'm feeling. I'm beginning to learn that I need to not talk on the phone, or e-mail, or basically communicate with anyone other than Jason or my best friend from high school, Lisa; they're the only ones I can talk to without hearing judgement seeping through their words. And feeling judged only makes it ten times worse. [Judgement and unsolicited bossy "advice" are a hot topic for me lately, but that's a whole different post.] For the most part, though, and 97% of the time, I feel great and wonderful and oh-so-happy (and I'm learning to deal better with the other 3%). **I started writing part of this series of posts a few weeks ago and things have already changed again, I feel more like I did the first 5 months and the hormonal craziness has almost completely dropped off. Knocking on wood.**

The most recent weird "symptom" was when I drank a ton of water one day a few weeks ago (okay, I drink a ton of water every day, but I drank an asinine amount that day) and my belly button was sticking out more than usual. When I pushed on it it made weird gurgling, bubbling sounds like there was air trapped in my belly button and I'd squish it out when I pressed on it. Jason could hear it, too. Crazy.

Oh, and heartburn? Yes. I carry peppermint Tums with me at all times and have three bottles spread throughout the house.

I've been going through my old tweets to remind myself of when things happened and I'm glad I have these "notes" to jog my memory. A couple things I forgot to mention: I had some crazy, crazy dreams, especially early on. I had a few nights where I woke up with total night-sweats, I had to completely change clothes and the sheets were so wet that Jason woke up and thought I'd wet the bed! Apparently I had a lot of headaches in months 2-4, I tweeted about it several times. I also had really, really bad allergies for a while (which I don't usually have) and I do remember that quite well.

This post is all about symptoms, so if it sounds like I'm complaining then let me state for the record: I love being pregnant. I loooooove it. I hope I get to do it again, but in case I don't I'm trying to savor every moment, every kick, every moment of exhaustion that reminds me I'm growing a baby. I can already tell I'm going to miss being pregnant (but then I will have a new squishy baby to love on, squeeee!). Jason told me last night, out of the blue as I was walking into the kitchen, "We need to get you pregnant again, you look so good pregnant." If that doesn't make a pregnant woman want to have four more babies I don't know what will.

Come back tomorrow for a post about cravings and more! With photos! :) Oh, and if you got this far, I love you. xoxo

8 Weeks

The photo on the left was taken April 13th, when I was 13 weeks 2 days pregnant. It's been my Facebook profile photo since then so if we're Facebook friends you've probably seen it. The photo on the right was taken last Monday on June 13th, when I was 22 weeks along.


Both were taken in the upstairs landing of our house, in a big mirror propped against the wall (our bedroom doors are closed behind us). I was wearing the same tank top and yoga capris in both photos. The biggest difference between the two is that in the one on the left, I'm about to drive Jason to the airport to fly far away for work, and in the one on the right, he'd only recently come home. He was gone for 8 weeks (and two days, but who's counting?) (I was totally counting.).

I didn't post online that he was gone because a) I'm pregnant and paranoid cautious, b) it's not too hard to find out where I live, c) I watch too many crime & forensics shows, d) I have a very active imagination, e) all of the above.

But I'm very [very very very very very] happy to have him home now; absence makes the heart grow fonder may be cliche but it's really so true. I keep wanting to post things about how glad I am that he's back and experiencing this pregnancy with me, so I figured I should explain that he was gone. :)

The opportunity for Jason to work on this big project overseas came up at the end of last year, and for several reasons we decided that he should take it. My biggest worry about him being gone was that we'd miss two cycles for trying to conceive; I joked that he could go if he got me pregnant before he left. He kept his end of that bargain, so I had to keep mine. :)

All in all, 8 weeks apart wasn't too bad. I'm a pretty independent person anyway, so the first week he was gone just felt like vacation--cereal for dinner! laundry just once a week! the whole bed to myself! the kitchen counter stays clean! The second week was the hardest; one morning I woke up and realized that I hadn't had any physical contact with anyone for nine days, and I just cried and cried, practically aching from touch deprivation. And then I put on my big girl panties and booked myself a 90-minute prenatal massage, guilt-free.

Luckily, Jason and I were able to video-chat nearly every day and we talked on the phone most of the days we couldn't video. I kept myself so busy (with my artist workshop, visiting friends, and prepping for and attending jewelry shows) that the time flew by and I didn't even get to tackle the home projects I wanted to work on while he was gone. He used to be military, so it's not like we haven't done this before (for much, much longer). And we've been married for 11 years now (and best friends for 13), so our communication skills are pretty darn good; we've worked hard at it and I'm proud of where + how + who we are together. That helped a lot.

He had a great fine time, got some great experience, met some great people (and a couple dirtbags), and he's glad to be back. Since he's been home Bebe Girl has started moving like crazy. He felt her move last week (while we were watching My Cousin Vinny of all things) and then yesterday he saw her move, from across the room--she was kicking and one part of my belly kept bulging out. WILD. Awesome. Amazing. Beautiful.

I'm so glad he's home.

It's a....

girl!!!

Which Gender is Bebe Yates?

I thought I'd do a gender poll just for fun. :) If there's a reason you think it's one or the other, please comment and let me know!

Half-Baked

When I first saw those two pink lines, I wasn't overwhelmed with a feeling of, "This is it, we're having a baby!" I was happy, naturally, and excited, but it was a cautious optimism. When I told Jason, he said something to the effect of it being "the first step," and I knew exactly what he meant. For us, getting pregnant was one little step towards actually having a baby.

I wonder what it would be like to be in ignorant bliss when you find out you're pregnant; to just assume with your whole heart and mind that two pink lines will equal a baby in about nine months. Of course I'll never know, because I've known the heartbreak of loss. I have friends who've experienced heartbreak in ways I hope I can never truly comprehend and come through the other side (with happy, healthy babies now in their arms, or on the way); they've served as such wonderful support throughout this journey, but knowing the tragic things that happened to them, far along in their pregnancies, is sobering to say the least. I take nothing for granted.

As I was journaling in those first few days, three words kept popping up so I made them my mantra... "Be positive, calm, and hopeful." Some days I think I said it a thousand times. My mind would drift and I'd pull it back to where I knew it should be, where and how I should be for both myself and the baby; positive, calm, and hopeful.

Still, as joyful as I was, it felt like I was waiting for things to come crashing down around me (again). I went to the bathroom many more times a day than I needed to, just to check that I wasn't bleeding. Every twinge made me stop in my tracks, waiting to see if it would turn into cramps, as I willed my abdominal muscles to relax and concentrated on providing a safe and welcoming place for our baby to be and grow.

Every day that things stayed the same felt like a tiny step taken.

Because of our history of loss & infertility, I had early ultrasounds. At six weeks we saw that the baby was implanted where it was supposed to be, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. Another step closer.

At seven weeks, we saw a tiny flicker-flicker-flicker and heard the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of a heartbeat. Amazing, and another big step closer.

At nine weeks, the baby was continuing to grow as he/she should and my blood tests were a-okay and I was put on the normal pregnant lady schedule for appointments, as opposed to the "we'd better keep an eye on this one" schedule. One more step.

At thirteen weeks I had my first trimester screening, where they do a more advanced ultrasound to measure certain things and gauge the risk for chromosomal abnormalities. Bebe got rave reviews and was determined very low risk; my blood test came back the following week and moved Bebe's risk down to very, very low risk. Two more steps!

Gradually, I'm feeling more and more like things will actually work out and we'll have a baby in October; it almost feels too good to be true. I'm finding that less and less I'm qualifying things with, "assuming everything continues to go well," and instead I'm just assuming that everything will continue to go well. It's a peaceful feeling.

And now. Now, I'm 20 weeks. Halfway there. The bun in the oven is half-baked. There's still a long way to go (which will fly by), and every once in a while I still need to remind myself to be positive, calm, and hopeful. But 20 weeks feels like a big step closer.

It's definitely a big something, anyway. :)


Does this mean I'm "carrying high"? It certainly doesn't feel like it could get any higher.

Look, I managed to take a full-length photo of myself with my DSLR! (Here's an out-take from this photo session that shows how awful I am at this game. And is kind of hilarious. Maybe just to me.)

I realize that it kind of looks like I'm arching my lower back to push out my butt and belly, but I assure you, that's my actual ass. And belly for that matter.

We have our second trimester screening on June 14th, and I am so excited to see Bebe again on the fancy ultrasound. Hopefully, in addition to being healthy and passing all the tests, so to speak, he or she will feel like sharing and we'll get to find out whether Bebe is a he or a she. I'm excited to share that moment with Jason, to experience the wave of emotions that will come with either answer, and to maybe be surprised by what I/we feel. I'm excited to be able to use a single pronoun when referring to Bebe! There's so much I'm excited for. :)

Thank you for all the support here and on Twitter and Facebook and by e-mail; I can't tell you what it's meant to me. Now, let's have 20 more weeks or so, shall we?