You're two months old today. The time since you arrived has absolutely flown by. You're probably going to be sick of adults saying that; I certainly remember being a kid and all the boring old adults saying how time flies and I just thought, "What are you talking about? It's forever until Christmas!" Now that I'm your mamma I understand all those boring old adults, because boy is time flying.
Right from the very beginning you've made it clear that you're the one in charge around here. We'd planned to have a natural, intervention-free water birth, but after I'd labored for several hours my midwife discovered you were upside-down! Well, actually, babies are supposed to be upside-down, so you were really right-side up and wrong-side down. Either way, it was off to the hospital and the operating room for us, and you were delivered by Cesarean section at 9:40 p.m. on Friday, October 14th.
And boy were you mad. The anesthesiologist told Daddy to stand up and get his camera ready, so he got this photo of you as soon as you were born. You were wailing and hollering and it just broke my heart to know you were here but you were on the other side of the room screaming and there was nothing I could do about it. So close but yet so far! I kept saying, "Mamma's right here, baby, I love you," and the nurses thought I was crazy but I didn't care.
The first couple days in the hospital were pretty tough, but not because of you, sweet girl. I was trying to wrap my head & heart around the way you were born, the nurses kept waking us up to check on us, and I was really sore from the surgery, but your Daddy saved the day (and the night!) and was such a wonderful daddy right from the beginning, holding you so you and I could sleep. You didn't like to sleep in the bassinet; even though it was in the room with us that wasn't close enough for you and I don't blame you one bit, it wasn't close enough for me, either. Your daddy or I held you just about every moment, except when the nurses took you to weigh you and check you out.
Feeding you the first couple days was hard, too; I really, really wanted to be able to feed you but it wasn't easy for either of us and both of us cried a lot. Different people kept giving me all difference pieces of advice and nothing was working, so finally in desperation I just did what my mamma instincts told me to do and you latched right on and ate. Your daddy cheered and I cried in relief that I could give you what you needed.
For a while I needed about four hands to feed you (thank goodness your Daddy or your great aunt Susan helped out), but I just kept telling you that we'd figure it out together, and we did; things got so much easier every week and now we're such a team that I barely have to think about it, we just do it. It makes me so happy that I can do this for us.
Your Great Aunt Susan was here for the first week after you were born, and then she left and your Grandma Sally came for two weeks. They took care of things around the house and cooking so that your daddy and I could just focus on you, and that was so nice. We had so much to learn but we caught on pretty quickly, I think. We learned that you liked to sleep with me or Daddy and also took naps with some of our family and friends who came to visit, but don't like to sleep by yourself. You didn't really cry unless you were hungry or needed to be changed or if we tried to put you down and you got lonely, and sometimes when you got horrible hiccups that shook your whole little self. When you got hungry you were starving and I had about ten seconds to feed you or you'd really start to wail. Your daddy's a bit like this so we aren't very surprised.
You were only two weeks old for your first Halloween, but we still dressed you up and took you over to a couple neighbors' houses to say hi. A few years ago, before we even knew you were on the way, I was shopping after Halloween and found newborn costumes on sale at Old Navy. I knew the chances of having a newborn at Halloween were slim, but I bought two anyway (one girl, one boy) because they were such a good deal. I'm so glad that you're here and you got to use the girl costume I bought for you before I even knew you'd arrive, like it was meant to be.
After Grandma Sally had filled our freezer full of meals, she and Grandpa Spud had to fly home to Oregon, but we had more visitors coming. Mamma's friend, your Aunty Lisa and her mom, Grandma Linda, came to visit, and you had good naps on them and they argued good-naturedly about who got to hold you. The next week Mamma's sister, your Aunty Tauni, came to visit. She works with babies in her job as a nurse and she loved kissing your head since she doesn't get to kiss the babies at work. Time just flew and you got bigger and older right before our eyes.
You started holding your head up early on and your Daddy was just so proud of you, he'd shout to me, "Look, Mommy, look what our daughter's doing all by herself!"
You started smiling at us, too, which was simply amazing. At first it was just in little flashes so I couldn't get a photo, but this is the closest I got. Seeing you smile, though... I can't tell you how happy it made me! Since you were born all I've wanted is for you to be healthy and happy, so seeing you smile and know you were happy was so good for my mamma heart. The very first time you smiled at me I was so excited, but I was afraid to tell your daddy because I didn't want him to be sad he missed it. Well, before I could tell him you gave him a big smile, too, the same day! You smile an awful lot on the changing table. (When I posted a photo from your newborn photo session my friend Ryley called you "sleepy squishy nakee Nora" and now we give you "nakee time" when we change you sometimes. You really like nakee time and smile a lot!)
One day I dressed you and your outfit was too small! I couldn't do the top snap and your shoulders stuck out. I was so happy that you were growing but I also cried at how quickly you were growing up... yes, I'm a silly mamma. Someday you'll understand, sweet girl.
Even though you were clearly growing, because of our early struggles with breastfeeding I was still worried whether or not you were gaining enough weight. So I was so happy and relieved when we had an appointment with the midwife and discovered that you're gaining weight like a champ--hooray for mamma milks!
You started getting more and more expressive, making funny faces and watching our faces and being more interactive. You recognize me and Daddy... you calm down more for me but you make more faces and smile more at Daddy since he's so silly and fun.
You attended your first bonfire at the neighbors', and bundled up in your cute pink bear outfit you were the star of the show. Everyone on our street has been so excited for your arrival and they all love holding you, you were passed around and fell asleep in several peoples' arms.
Your Papa Don and Grandma Jo arrived for a visit and they had so much fun with you. You're really smiling a lot now and one day when we brought you in from the car Daddy was making you smile so much that I even had a chance to grab my camera!
I love watching all the faces you make and the way you look at me.
Now you're two months old and I know that I'll blink and it will be three months instead of just two, so lately I'm spending lots of time just trying to soak you up and enjoy who you are right now. And who you are is pretty darn awesome.
You're still a super amazing baby. You still cry mainly when you're hungry or need to be changed, or sometimes when you get the hiccups. You still like to be held to sleep, and in the past week or two you've started fighting sleep during the daytime, like you don't want to miss anything. You fuss and cry even after I've fed and changed you, so I put you in the ring sling and bounce and rock until you give in and fall fast asleep curled up against me, and then you have a nice long nap. When you're hungry and I'm not right there to feed you immediately you make your body super straight like a plank and cry. At night you sleep against me or Daddy until we go up to bed, then you nurse and go back to sleep until between 2 and 3 o'clock usually. We sleep for a while longer, nurse again, and sleep again. During the week when Daddy's at work we usually sleep until 8 or 9 o'clock, and sometimes on the weekends we sleep a little later.
You're not super crazy about the car, so I plan our trips for just after I've fed you and I try to keep our trips short. At each location I take you out of your seat to give you a break and I wear you in the ring sling or in the Ergo, you love both of them. Sometimes when we're in the car you sleep, but sometimes, even when I've just changed and fed you, you cry cry cry. When you cry really hard, which we almost never let you do except in the car when I can't pick you up, you make a little sound like a sheep. It's so sad and so cute all at the same time.
You're a very slow waker-upper, just like I am. When you start to wake up you fuss and squeak and generally seem very annoyed with the state of affairs. I just hold you and rock or bounce or caress you and let you gradually come back into yourself. Sometimes at night after I nurse you and you fall asleep, I lie there and just stare at you and sniff and kiss your sweet head and marvel at the wonder that is you.
I'm how old, Mamma?
When you were first born everyone said that you look just like your Daddy. They still say that, but now people are saying that certain features look like me. I'm so excited to watch you change and see who you grow into and what you'll look like.
About to sneeze!
By the time you're old enough to read this you'll probably have heard this thousands of times and you'll roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, Mamma, I know," but baby girl, we wanted and waited for you for sooooo long, and you, my sweet girl, were worth the wait. You're the best thing I've ever done and being your mamma is my favorite thing in the world. I love to watch Daddy be your daddy and listen to him talk to you, he's so wildly crazy about you and it makes me fall more and more in love with him.
It's only and already been two months, and so far the three of us, you and your Daddy and I, are a great team. We promise to keep learning and growing and trying and teaching and--most of all--loving you. If there is one thing I want you to always know and never question, sweet Nora Jane, it's that you have been so very, very wanted and loved even before you were born. We're so excited to see who you become and what you do and what your passions are, but no matter what--no matter what--we will always, always love you more than words can say.
As I'm sure you know, I loooove being pregnant. As you may or may not know, I don't really like being photographed; I'm very uncomfortable in front of a camera. Several years ago I realized that the more uncomfortable I feel being photographed the more awkward I look in photos (funny how that works, huh?). Since I did want some good photos of me--and Lord, please, less awkward ones--I adopted a "fake it 'til you make it" approach to being photographed. I just act like I'm comfortable and the photos turn out a lot better, even if the back of my mind is telling me that I look like a huge dork, why am I standing next to the fanciest person in this group shot, please don't let her post this to Facebook (etc. etc. etc.). And that's just when I'm hanging out with friends! So you can imagine how I might feel when I book and pay for someone to photograph me. Oh, Lordy, the pressure!
But I really wanted this time in our lives to be documented. I love my huge belly and everything it means. So Jason took the day off yesterday and we drove up to Maryland to meet the lovely Shey of Shey Marin Photography so she could photograph my ever-increasing baby bump this amazing, blessed time in our lives. I gave myself about fourteen pep-talks in the days and hours beforehand, and we actually had fun! Shey was great to work with and I was able to relax and just enjoy what was happening--that my long-awaited, much-loved pregnancy was being captured on film (okay, in pixels, whatever) on a gorgeous fall day with my wonderful and adoring husband, just shortly before we meet our precious little bundle of joy.
And, you guys? The sneak-peek results? Oh my goodness.
Thank you so much, Shey, for these photographs. I can't begin to tell you what they mean to me. [Shey posted these images on her blog and gave me permission to use them here.]
How Far along? 38 weeks (and one day)!!! Last Sunday night (a week ago) when I went to bed I told Jason, "When we wake up we'll have a fully-cooked baby!" Technically, anyway; I'm happy to continue to gestate until she's ready. :) It's crazy to me that her estimated due date is less than two weeks away. I have a feeling that she'll be a week late, though, so no hurry. (Although remind me I said this in three weeks when I'm whining that I want her ouuuut.)
Size of the baby? According to my weekly e-mail from BabyCenter, Bebe Girl's 6.8 pounds and over 19.5 inches long.
Any new symptoms? Things are pretty much the same since my last update. My hips and lower back hurt a lot most of the time, although I saw the chiropractor yesterday and he did some muscle/ligament work on me as well as an adjustment, so I'm feeling a lot better today than I did all last week. It's better for me to keep moving a little bit; when I sit for too long and then get up the waddle is ridiculous, I feel like Tweedle Dee (or Tweedle Dum, I suppose).
What are you craving? It's a good thing that Jason's home so I'm (we're) cooking healthy meals, because my appetite is pretty minimal these days. I'm eating enough and eating plenty of healthy foods, but I'm doing it much more for Bebe than I am for myself at this point.
Baby Bump? Just a little bit. :)
Movement? Bebe is getting so strong! She's getting big and running out of room so when she's stretching around it's pretty crazy the way she makes my belly move. She jabs her foot into (out of?) the right side of my belly and I have to adjust my position and sit up extra straight and massage it to try to get it back in a little bit or it's uncomfortable.
Nesting? We're getting a lot done around the house and my To Do list is still a mile long. We ordered blinds for a lot of the windows in the house (which we've been wanting to do anyway), we cleaned out the basement storage area and got a deep freezer (hooray!!!), we set up the pack & play we received at my baby shower last weekend, my fancy glider and ottoman arrived and are set up in the living room. I worked on a couple fun projects for Bebe's nursery and washed all her little bitty clothes. I vacuumed pretty much constantly. The crib is now scheduled to be here after Bebe's due date, thanks a lot, Target. Oh, well. I'm trying to focus on one thing at a time and prioritize my To Do list because even if Bebe is two weeks late (please no) I still won't have time to get everything done. This is Classic Cameron, Queen of Overambitious To Do Lists (a title shared with @exlibris), so no big surprise!
Sleeping well? The weather here has cooled down a bit which is awesome, I'm not sweating all the time now, just at night (pregnancy hormones increase at night, didja know that?). Last night Jason was cold so he kept cuddling up next to me in bed, chasing me all the way to the edge until I had about 18" of bed and my knees were hanging off the edge and I'd sweated through my tank top. So, yeah, I'll be getting him an extra blanket on his side of the bed tonight!
I'm waking up A LOT during the night. Three or four times to use the bathroom, plus every time I roll over or need to adjust my position or just because it's 2 a.m. and why shouldn't we be awake for no reason until 4 a.m.? Most nights I wake up at least once per hour and have at least an hour of laying-wide-awake. I'm not particularly exhausted, though, so it's not too bad.
Buy anything for the baby this week? We bought a lot of things for the house but not a lot for Bebe specifically, just a few clothes to fill in the gaps of what I didn't have for her. I need to order the few baby things I need/want and don't have yet. We were gifted with a lot since my last update; in addition to the shower hosted by my lovely neighbors, I've received several surprise gifts from people, and my book club had a surprise baby shower for me at our meeting! I've been overwhelmed with how excited so many people are for us, it's so touching to me (especially since I generally assume that I like people more than they like me, hello, self-esteem, how are you?).
What are you enjoying the most/least about being pregnant this week? Last Friday was pretty rough; my hips & lower back were really killing me (and my chiropractor was closed for the weekend), so little things that popped up just felt a lot harder to deal with. By the time Jason got home from his all-day project I was crumbling. His response, though, made it all worth it; he was amazing and didn't make me feel like I was being ridiculous, just calmed me down and centered me and soothed me, physically and mentally, and made me laugh and feel like I'm doing a great job being pregnant and he's proud of me. It was exactly what I needed and gave me a glimpse into what he'll do for me in labor. I'm going to need him so much and this was proof that he'll be there for me the way I'll need him to be--that's priceless.
I'm reading a lot and I'm really enjoying learning lots of cool facts about pregnancy, childbirth, and new parenthood. I'm also getting occasionally rather fired up at how misinformed we as women/we as a(n American) culture are about a lot of it, but that's another post for another day. I'm just so grateful that Jason and I are educating ourselves so we can make informed decisions no matter how things go with Bebe's birth.
I'm also enjoying all the big surprised smiles I'm getting from people out in public! What are you looking forward to? Tomorrow I'm getting a belly cast done, and Thursday we're getting maternity photos! I'm nervous about the photos because I'm a total dork, but I'm also excited for them. I'm anxious to finish this post so I can go try on a bunch of clothes and figure out what I'm going to bring to wear. Tomorrow I'm going to collect/buy some props I want to use in our session (a pink ribbon tied around my belly, baby blocks that spell out bebe or girl, a little pumpkin, pretty white fabric) and maybe buy an article or two of clothing to supplement since I don't have a ton of fall maternity clothes.
It's so strange to think that she could be here in three days or three weeks, we just have no idea. And yes, we're getting used to the idea that we have no control over our lives anymore, it's all Bebe from here on out!
Because he was home for just 6 weeks and then he left again on July 27th for 7.5 more weeks.
He got home last Friday (a week ago). Woooohoooooooooo!!
In my previous post about him being gone I might have seemed, to some people, a little, "Eh, big deal, my husband was just gone for eight weeks, whatever." Let me assure you that it was not easy breezy beautiful covergirl, either that first time or this time. Sometimes it sucked a lot.
Like when I woke up coughing bile and ran to the bathroom to puke in the middle of the night, and then had to go back to bed by myself without so much as a half-asleep shoulder rub in consolation.
Like when I did the math and figured out that, including the three weeks of training he had to do, he'd be gone for 45% of my pregnancy. Forty-five percent. That's a lot, y'all.
Like when my car broke down. Because naturally, if your nice, reliable car is going to suddenly break down with no warning whatsoever, and you're 7.5 months pregnant and your husband is halfway around the world, it's going to happen at 4:45 p.m. on Friday afternoon before Labor Day Weekend. I didn't even cry, y'all. Not even a little bit. Because I was laughing, because of course this is when it would happen. [All the military/ex-military/traveling husbands wives out there know that a husband's leaving is a sign to the universe that crazy shit is supposed to go wrong.]
Like when Bebe Girl was making my whole stomach move in waves and I had to reach for the video camera instead of calling Jason over to see it.
Like when I woke up to water damage on our master bathroom ceiling after it rained 4+ inches in 24 hours and roads all over were closed due to flooding and people were tubing down main highways, and I had to somehow get my car from the auto shop to the dealership an hour away (not counting traffic and flooding road closures), and then I got the crib I ordered and it was broken and exactly how am I supposed to get this huge 59-pound box to a UPS place to return it, and oh, I can't do that anyway because even after four separate phone calls and two+ hours on the phone with Target they still can't manage to send me my return shipping label. Yay, happy Friday to me! That was probably the very worst day; I missed him so much I ached.
But, most of the time, I had a pretty positive attitude. We chose this, after all. And when people said, "It must suck to have him gone while you're pregnant," I honestly replied, "It's not fun, but it's a lot better than if he were gone and I still wasn't pregnant!" [I can't tell you how true this is and how grateful I am to be pregnant, even with him gone.]
And it wasn't all bad; since he was gone during the hottest, most humid and miserable month in Virginia, I took the opportunity to escape to Oregon & Washington for three weeks in August. I got to enjoy the glorious weather, eat at my favorite Oregon places, go to my home church and sit between my grandparents with a hymnal on my belly, eat the fruits & veggies from my mom's & aunt's gardens (and beef raised by my uncle!), visit and photograph the county fair I went to every year while I was growing up, and delight every time I came around a bend in the road and saw a mountain in the distance, welcoming me home. I got to hang out with and visit family, attend a family reunion, see high school friends and college friends and friends I haven't seen for years and years, shop for maternity and nursing clothes with my mom, attend my niece's sixth birthday party and help her learn how to weave potholders, hang out with my BFF Kellie and finally meet her little girl in person instead of just Skype, hang out with my BFF Lisa, meet a Twitter friend in real life, figure out and make a silk ring sling with my aunt, and have not one but two baby showers! I wouldn't have done all of that if Jason were home, and it was all lovely and I'm so glad I got to do it before Bebe arrives.
Jason and I got to video chat nearly every day (sometimes twice while I was in Oregon and the time zone difference was longer), and he could call me on the phone if I had to be away from home/my computer during our normal chat times. This video chat bonding time was so important and meaningful to me that about a week after he got home the first time I actually missed him, because we were so busy getting things done that we weren't just sitting and talking face-to-face for a half hour or more every day like we had been while he was gone!
Now he's back (again) and he gets to see Bebe Girl move my belly around like crazy and feel how strong she is, how her right foot pokes out the right side of my belly like she's trying to make a break for it and I have to rub it until she tucks it back in a little bit. He gets to be woken up when I get up to pee four times a night, and sleep with his hand on my belly, and rub my shoulder when I wake up coughing from bile in my throat. He gets to fetch me water and ice packs and help me make dinner and assemble high chairs and pack-n-plays.
He's back, and he's right where he should be.
I love this photo so hard.
He left at 28 weeks 2 days and came home at 35 weeks 4 days. I didn't change much while he was gone. ;)
And this time I'm very, very, very happy to say: he's not leaving again.
Special thanks to all the family and friends and neighbors who helped me through Jason's absence, whether it was checking up on me or watering our plants while I was gone or driving me to and from the airport or listening to me and lending me your shoulder or distracting me with hilarious stories and Twitter conversations. I'm so glad I didn't have to do it without you. xoxoxoxoxo
Size of the baby? According to my weekly e-mail from BabyCenter, Bebe Girl's almost 6 pounds and 18.5 inches long.
Any new symptoms? Is being unable to bend over while sitting down a symptom? Because I totally have that. Also, my hips are getting wonky (very descriptive, huh?). I have to be careful how I sit and for how long; I love sitting cross-legged and it's comfortable while I'm doing it, but then my hips will hurt later (so I stopped doing that, obviously). I'm seeing the chiropractor every week to ten days at least. I have to take frequent breaks when I'm doing things because I get tired really easily, so even on days I have a lot to do I try to switch off between doing active things (like organizing) with more inactive things (like writing thank you notes). When I'm really, really tired and/or my hips hurt I definitely have a waddle. I don't think that I necessarily waddle *all* the time, but yesterday at Marshall's an employee told me that I'm "getting my walk on" and the way she said it made me think she was saying I do the pregnant-lady walk. Nice. So maybe I do. Hrmph.
I'm hot almost all the time now, which is such a switch from my normal always-cold self. Jason usually freezes me out when we're driving and now it's the reverse, and I have just a sheet on at night with the ceiling fan on and I still wake up soaked in sweat, while he's cozied up under the quilt. Our electric bill last month was the most it's ever been because MOAR AIR CONDITIONING.
It's not a new symptom, but I realized that I never mentioned that I have linea nigra (the dark vertical line that 3/4 of all pregnant women get on their bellies). It's kind of funny because when you look at it close up it just looks like I have some freckles, but when you look at it from a little ways away it's totally a line. It's light and it runs the whole distance of my belly, from my pubic bone to just under my boobs. It doesn't bother me at all (I know some women hate it), I think it's kind of cool and just another sign that oh my gosh, look at me, I'm a pregnant lady!
What are you craving? Ice cream! And barbecue potato chips, which I indulged and I think is gone now. And fruit, but only certain fruit and certain ways. If you cleaned and cut up a gallon of strawberries for me I might eat the whole thing, but the idea of cleaning and cutting them up myself makes me want to die and/or puke. WEIRD. I also bought a half-gallon of organic chocolate milk yesterday, which was a major craving for me at the beginning of my pregnancy so it's kind of funny to have it again.
Baby Bump? Totally not at all. :)
And just to shake things up, here's a front view!
Movement? In my last update I said that she was starting the "Alien" phase of making my stomach move but you couldn't really see it from the outside. Uh, yeah, that's changed! It's crazy how much she makes my stomach move--sometimes it catches me by surprise and stops me in my tracks. I'm writing this post now because she's moving so much that I couldn't stand to get up and move on to the rest of my To Do list, I just wanted to keep sitting here and paying attention to her. :) [And yes, I can pay attention to her while I'm typing because my laptop is on what's left of my lap, and she's in, well, what's not left of my lap!]
Nesting? Well, this past weekend I emptied out all the bathroom cabinets, purged stuff, and organized the rest into drawers that I labeled with the label maker I haven't used in at least six years, does that answer the question? I also sorted all of the baby clothes (both new and hand-me-downs) we've received and have them in bins in her closet, organized by type and size, I freecycled stuff I've been meaning to get rid of, and I arranged for a donation truck to come pick stuff up today.
The fun nesting stuff I want to do (decorate the nursery!!) is being put on hold a bit, because I'm having issues with Target; when I opened the crib they shipped me it was broken, and getting a replacement has been entirely too much of a pain in the ass. [And when I say that I mean that it's really ridiculous, not just that I'm 8 months pregnant and being all hormonal. We're talking 4+ hours on the phone over 6 phone calls and I still have no idea when they're shipping my replacement.] I really want the crib not because she'll be sleeping in it right away (she'll be in a co-sleeper bassinet attached to our bed, which is already here and set up thank you Amazon) but because I want to figure out where stuff is going in the nursery and decorate it; I don't want to commit to hanging anything and putting holes in our freshly-painted walls until I know I like the layout of things. I'm keeping perspective and I know that it doesn't matter, she will be safe and loved (oh so very loved) and who cares if her nursery's not ready when she arrives? It's just fun and I want to make up her crib and hang her mobile and all of that. :)
Sleeping well? Yes! I started taking Maalox every night at bedtime and I can sleep laying down again! I'm also napping again sometimes in the afternoons. [I wrote this last night and then, of course, slept like crap, waking up with bad heartburn and ended up sleeping sitting up and getting a crick in my neck. Oh well.]
Buy anything for the baby this week? Two weeks ago I ordered the crib, a highchair, and a swing (okay, two swings, but I plan to return one!). I ordered the co-sleeper Sunday and it's already here (thank you, Amazon Prime!) and Jason assembled it so we'll just hook it to the bed a little later on. There are a few more things that I'm anxious to have but I have a baby shower this Saturday so I'm going to wait. :)
What are you enjoying the most/least about being pregnant this week? I still love being pregnant, but I'm starting to see how women can get sick of it. It's not for sissies, that's for sure! Most days are great, but I've had a couple days where I've pushed myself too much and then been so sore and tired that I just wanted to cry. As long as I take it easy(ish) I feel great, and luckily I have that luxury since I set my own hours and work at home and don't have any other kiddos yet. My hat is off to all the women who work full time up to delivery, and/or are chasing after toddlers!
I'm really enjoying having Jason home (more on that in an upcoming post). He's really amazing and helps me all the time with any little thing I need, whether it's refilling my water glass or assembling the co-sleeper as soon as it arrives or just listening as I walk & talk through something, trying to figure out how I'm going to organize or accomplish something. My very favorite words are, "What can I do to help you, Love?" He had the last couple days off work so we got a lot done and got lots of quality time, too. He's really being great and it's so awesome to feel totally on the same page and part of a team, it gives me a lot of confidence that we'll deal with parenthood as a team, even if (when!) we're exhausted and don't know what to do. What are you looking forward to? If anyone posts comments like, "Oh, you just wait, silly woman!" I will stab you think you're a big inconsiderate jerkface loser, but I'm really looking forward to experiencing birth. Truly. I don't think it will be easy (AT ALL), but I do think that it will be amazing. Thinking about it all--Jason supporting me and helping me through this awesome, transformative, greatest physical challenge of my life, seeing our baby girl for the first time (and seeing Jason see her, ohmyword), feeling her skin-to-skin, breastfeeding for the first time--oh, well, I just cry from happiness and gratitude that I will get to experience it all (no matter how it all happens).
I am an artist because I make art (and only recently embraced that definition). I create beauty daily, although I am very loosey-goosey about it; my daily beauty could be a new handmade necklace or a yummy meal from scratch or a photograph or a handmade book or a sweet moment of interaction with someone or a scrapbook page or a pair of earrings or...
The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life. --Anne Morriss