Friday, April 24, 2009

Favorite {Photo} Friday #45--I Can Do It!

With only a week until the Avon Walk, and all my recent posts about it, if you read my post title I bet you're thinking that this will be about the Avon Walk, right? "I can do it! I can walk 39.3 miles in two days!"

Wrong. I mean, I can, and I will; I've trained and trained and "Walk Weekend" next weekend will be amazing, just like it was last year. But that's not what this post is about. This post is about ME getting back to the weight I want to be. I am soooo not there. But I WILL be!

I will tell you now--I am not all, "Woe is me!" Although I have felt that way a few damn times lately. Especially with the walk approaching and all the training I've been doing. I mean, if anything will make you feel like the pounds should be magically melting off, walking 22 miles will do that. When I arrive home I feel like I should suddenly slide into size six pants, I'm telling you. And everyone e-mailing me saying, "Wow, you must be in such great shape!" really makes a person think, "Yeah! I should be! I just walked 22 miles and then 10 miles! The weekend before I walked 20 miles and 9 miles! I must be in fantastic shape! So how come I'm not?!?!"

I can tell you one reason I'm not; I'm freaking hungry all the time. After I get home from my walks I eat and eat and eat and eat, and then the entire rest of the week I eat. I'm starving, and of course I feel like I should be able to eat anything I want, having just walked for six hours straight. Only I'm obviously not starving; after walking 22 miles on Sunday I weighed myself on Tuesday to discover that I had gained 4 pounds since Saturday. I know, I know, water retention, muscle gain, blah blah blah. But YOU walk 22 miles and then have your scale tell you that you gained four pounds in three days and THEN try to give me your logic. You will want to throw your scale out the window, I promise you.

But this started long before the Avon Walk training. It's been building up, as weight tends to--so very, very obnoxiously--do. I have a long list of excuses reasons, but suffice it to say that I got down to my goal weight in Italy (now that's a feat!) and maintained it for almost a year. [By goal weight I mean the weight at which I feel the healthiest and which is recommended for my height & age by medical professionals.] And then we traveled all over Eastern Europe and I wanted to try the food--gaining a few pounds wouldn't kill me, I could lose it again. And we were leaving Italy, so I had to soak up (and eat and drink up) all my favorite things for the last few months we were there. Then we went on a 12-day Eastern Mediterranean cruise; all the food is paid for on the ship, and off ship you have to try all the local cuisine! I can lose the few extra pounds once we get settled! Then we took about six months to find a house and get our stuff delivered, so I wasn't cooking much. [And of course it wasn't stressful at all to leave Italy and so many of our friends, move across an ocean, change Jason's career, and find and buy our first house in an area where we knew four people total. Not stressful at all.] And blah blah blah blah you get the idea. Suddenly I'm not fitting into any of my clothes, and I look at photos of myself like, "When the hell did my face get so ROUND?"

So here we are again, at "rock bottom." The place I was three years ago when I finally decided that enough is freakin' enough. I'm smart and I know how to fix this and it is absolutely ridiculous to not just put on my big girl panties and fix it. Say "No!" to Tostitos and queso and "Yes!" to weight training and running and celery. To live the mantra that my neighbor had on a sign in her kitchen when I was in fifth grade and cleaned her house for $6 every Friday afternoon (and could I find anyone to do that for ME now, please?): "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels."

The only thing more stupid than allowing myself to slide back this far would be to try to start a new diet/lifestyle a week before the Avon Walk and then traveling to Inspired. I plan to do the South Beach Diet again because I read the book and understand why it works, and it worked for me last time and I was able to maintain my weight (until I threw everything I'd learned out the window, that is). And the first two weeks on the plan are hard. HARD. There's no way that I should attempt such a thing when I have any other stressors in my life. So I'm going to do it, but I'm going to start it when I get back from Inspired. That way when I'm cranky the only people around will be Jason and John. And they'll deserve it for one reason or another, anyway. :)

I know I can do it. I know I can get back to that elusive goal weight and/or fitting back into all my cute clothes. So I'm posting this photo on my fridge to remind me that I can get there again!


Our friend Shannon took this photo for us when we went on a little wine-tasting trip in Italy. I'd quite comfortably maintained my goal weight for about eight months at this point. Man I miss those jeans! And I loved that shirt. AND I think it's pathetic that when I look at this photo of us, standing in one of my most favorite places, in this gorgeous location, all I can think of is how small my waist used to be. ENOUGH of the obsession without action. I can do it!

10 comments:

Chiara said...

you can do it all and if you need any support or a sounding board with the diet let me know i am a great cheerleader.

Stella said...

Cam, I am totally with you! I came back from Inspired last year ready to drop 35lbs. And now, here we are, 2 weeks away and I have only lost 7. Of course I am filled with the same excuses: I moved across country, I left all my friends behind, my BF and I broke up, I started a new job, my cat died, etc. Of course I wanted to eat myself into a coma where I could forget all that. So I am with you, sister! We can do it! Here's to getting back to our goal weight! We can seal the deal with one of those big as my head cookies at Inspired. LOL!

audrey h. said...

I hear ya. I seem to be having the same problem. I'm working out but nothing seems to be happening. I have that mid-section problem...muffin top hanging over the jeans and a wide-load. I don't even eat a lot. As I sit here drinking a Coke, I think that is my main problem. I drink Coke like coffee...too much.

Good luck. You can do it. I had the same small waist as you did. It will come again, it has to. I look forward to hearing of your success.

Ava's Mom said...

Cameron, I sooooo relate to this! I keep thinking, "oh, I'm breastfeeding, that burns a ton of calories so its OK if I eat these three cookies." OR I put off working out because I am tired at the end of the day and I just think, "I'll totally work out tomorrow..."only tomorrow the same thing happens. And really, I just need to get rid of the excuses, accept that it is hard and do it anyways. We can do it together! Here's to fitting into our favorite clothes!

Aimee said...

cameron-

you are so not alone--- we all quest to feel strong and healthy and fit and pretty. and yes, i am HUNGRY all the time too- i call myself the hungry girl. but i have to say - having just lost 22 pounds- food is not worth it. the feeling of THINNER is better than all the goodies.
good luck, you can do it, we support you, we love you, and drink tons of water....

Katie said...

We'll have a hula hoop-a-thon. It'll be great. A good start for both of us....uh, I mean, besides the walk which is the ULTIMATE start for you. Can't wait to see you! xo

ingrid said...

It is summer (almost!). You can do it! I don't know what it is about the change of weather that makes way for healthy changes, but I do believe in that.
By the way, I gained at least 5 pounds during my marathon training. I was truly, truly starving all the time. I completely remember feeling like I might die because I just couldn't seem to get enough to eat. I had a similar feeling the first couple months of breast feeding, but I think it has evened out. When I lost weight was when I was walking, but not too much. I was doing a nice quick and relaxing 2 to 4 miles a day and that shed weight like crazy. You go! (But I agree, don't go quite yet!)

Tauni said...

You are beautiful! The body that God has given you is enabling you to walk a marathon and a half. And that is completely amazing! So just think, anyone who can walk that far at a 4 mile/hr clip is doing pretty well. Don't forget to love the skin your in. I think you're great the way you are.

Wisconsin Girl said...

Great pic of you and Jason! That's a good idea to put that one out in a spot you will see it for motivation. I was my heaviest weight when we left Italy...too many good things to eat and drink there! Now I'm back up to that weight and am not happy about it. It has been too easy to fill that baby tummy left after I had Sam. I'm not obsessed about my weight, but definately feel like I'm not at my healthiest.
Here's a toast to reaching your goal.
Cin Cin!

cynthia said...

Oh I love this!!!!!!!!!!!! You know what I look at you and think wow she looks fabulous. But you know what, we each have a place where we feel our most best and you go girl after that again. Anyone who can do what you have done can do it again. You know I am there for you!!!!!!!!!!! And girl you motivate me so much!!! Thank you Cameron.