Wrong. I mean, I can, and I will; I've trained and trained and "Walk Weekend" next weekend will be amazing, just like it was last year. But that's not what this post is about. This post is about ME getting back to the weight I want to be. I am soooo not there. But I WILL be!
I will tell you now--I am not all, "Woe is me!" Although I have felt that way a few damn times lately. Especially with the walk approaching and all the training I've been doing. I mean, if anything will make you feel like the pounds should be magically melting off, walking 22 miles will do that. When I arrive home I feel like I should suddenly slide into size six pants, I'm telling you. And everyone e-mailing me saying, "Wow, you must be in such great shape!" really makes a person think, "Yeah! I should be! I just walked 22 miles and then 10 miles! The weekend before I walked 20 miles and 9 miles! I must be in fantastic shape! So how come I'm not?!?!"
I can tell you one reason I'm not; I'm freaking hungry all the time. After I get home from my walks I eat and eat and eat and eat, and then the entire rest of the week I eat. I'm starving, and of course I feel like I should be able to eat anything I want, having just walked for six hours straight. Only I'm obviously not starving; after walking 22 miles on Sunday I weighed myself on Tuesday to discover that I had gained 4 pounds since Saturday. I know, I know, water retention, muscle gain, blah blah blah. But YOU walk 22 miles and then have your scale tell you that you gained four pounds in three days and THEN try to give me your logic. You will want to throw your scale out the window, I promise you.
But this started long before the Avon Walk training. It's been building up, as weight tends to--so very, very obnoxiously--do. I have a long list of
So here we are again, at "rock bottom." The place I was three years ago when I finally decided that enough is freakin' enough. I'm smart and I know how to fix this and it is absolutely ridiculous to not just put on my big girl panties and fix it. Say "No!" to Tostitos and queso and "Yes!" to weight training and running and celery. To live the mantra that my neighbor had on a sign in her kitchen when I was in fifth grade and cleaned her house for $6 every Friday afternoon (and could I find anyone to do that for ME now, please?): "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels."
The only thing more stupid than allowing myself to slide back this far would be to try to start a new diet/lifestyle a week before the Avon Walk and then traveling to Inspired. I plan to do the South Beach Diet again because I read the book and understand why it works, and it worked for me last time and I was able to maintain my weight (until I threw everything I'd learned out the window, that is). And the first two weeks on the plan are hard. HARD. There's no way that I should attempt such a thing when I have any other stressors in my life. So I'm going to do it, but I'm going to start it when I get back from Inspired. That way when I'm cranky the only people around will be Jason and John. And they'll deserve it for one reason or another, anyway. :)
I know I can do it. I know I can get back to that elusive goal weight and/or fitting back into all my cute clothes. So I'm posting this photo on my fridge to remind me that I can get there again!
Our friend Shannon took this photo for us when we went on a little wine-tasting trip in Italy. I'd quite comfortably maintained my goal weight for about eight months at this point. Man I miss those jeans! And I loved that shirt. AND I think it's pathetic that when I look at this photo of us, standing in one of my most favorite places, in this gorgeous location, all I can think of is how small my waist used to be. ENOUGH of the obsession without action. I can do it!