For the past nine+ years, Jason and I have had a joke about calamari steak in lemon-caper-butter sauce. It's only a joke because it's a dish that we had on our honeymoon on Kauai, Hawaii; it was one of the best things I've ever eaten in my life, and Jason has absolutely no recollection of it. None whatsoever. Which is sort of understandable if you consider that we've been married for almost ten years... but he couldn't remember it two weeks after our honeymoon! So the joke pops up when one of us (usually Jason) can't remember something that the other of us (usually me) remembers with clarity.
[Us in Kauai around the time of the wonderful meal that Jason doesn't remember.]
A few of these types of conversations popped up this past weekend. The first one went something like this:
Me: I wish our town had an Irish bar like that one we went to.
Jason: Which one?
Me: The one we just went to a few weeks ago.
Jason: Where?
Me: The one we just went to. We had fish & chips, I got Boddington's because I thought it was the Stout but it was the regular one and I didn't like it. My sister called while we were eating and I called her back when we got home.
Jason: [increasingly confused] What?
Me: [increasingly annoyed] They were setting up a band right by our table and we hurried up and left because I didn't want to be blasted out of our seats...?
Jason: [blank look]
Me: We went up there to buy your bicycle from that lady, we met her in the grocery store parking lot and then we went to eat at...
Jason: [interrupting me] OH! In Warrenton!
Me: [Sigh.] Yes, I suppose it was in Warrenton.
Then we had another one, which finally made me figure it out. The one about the strawberry risotto went something like this:
Me: Oh, it's like that place in Italy where we had the strawberry risotto!
Jason: Huh?
Me: Straaaawwwwwberrrryyyyy Riiiiissssooooooohtoooooooh. The only time we've ever had it. It was pink. From the strawberries.
[Strawberry risotto.]
Jason: Huh?
Me: It was a fancy new restaurant, we stopped there randomly for lunch. All the food was decorated and there were pretty swirls of sauces on the plates.
Jason: [blank look]
Me: They treated us really well because they were brand new and out in the middle of nowhere, and we were from America, like rock stars or something.
Jason: [blank look]
Me: My parents were with us--remember? They had fancy mosaic floors, I took photos of the floors--nothing? I sat with my mom to my left and we had our backs to the window wall; you were across from me and Dad was across from Mom--remember? They gave my mom and I tote bags with the restaurant name and logo, for crying out loud! This is not ringing any bells?
Jason: Did we have calamari steak in lemon-caper-butter sauce?
Me: Ha ha. We were with my parents. We drove up on one of your mountain drives....?
Jason: [blank look]
Me: It was the second time my parents visited, the time we drove up to Pelligrino and we...
Jason: [interrupting me] OH! Now I remember!
Me: SERIOUSLY?
It was this conversation that made me realize that I remember experiences, while Jason remembers locations. It seems so obvious now, I can't believe it took us 10+ years to figure it out!!! If this were Jason's blog, he would write about conversations that went the other direction... where he kept telling me details about exactly where we were and me not having any idea what he was talking about until he said something about the experience we had, when it would all click into place for me.
The rest of the weekend we kept laughing when one of us would bring up a memory, and then we'd try to remind the other based on what would help the other person remember. It may have taken ten+ years to figure out, but since we finally have I'm sure it will help us communicate better! :) Now if only I could remember where we were when we had that calamari, perhaps a ten-year-old discussion would finally be put to rest! But, of course, I have no idea! :) Ha ha!
How do you associate memories? By location, like Jason, or by experience, like me? Or is there yet another way? If you're married, do you and your spouse remember things in the same way or different ways? I'd love to hear! :)
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15 comments:
This is such a cute story... love the honeymoon photo .. you look the same! tena
Love that photo of you two! This is such an interesting point, and I think you are right on about most men and women. I know that both Dave and my Dad are like Jason... location, location, location. But, I hardly even remember what country some of my memories occurred in. I am all about the experience and the people and the emotions. How funny! Thanks for sharing!
ok, we've been married almost 16 years and I think we are the exact same way as you guys, but we STILL hadn't realized it?!?! lol!
I most definitely associate by experience!
You guys are too sweet, by the way.
Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your life and marriage. I TOTALLY relate to this...I never remember names and actually have trouble remembering words so our convo's go like this..."you know, the place with the thingy? and you were all blah, blah, blah and I got mad" "oh the Sea ranch house!" I remember feelings and he reads minds :o)
love this story! i totally remember experiences (usually having to do with what i wore or what food we ate). brett remembers location and date.
so funny, jilliene. i am totally a "remember?? we were at that place with those people we just met and we were eating that stuff that i loved and you didn't and i wore my converse and all the other girls had on heels?" kind of girl.
Okay, that post just CRACKS ME UP!!!! We always have conversations like that, however, I usually remember details and location and Ed has no clue. Where do the memories go??? He just remembers details of history that he will randomly (or at least randomly to me) spouts out later. To which I will say "How on earth do you even remember THAT?" I get a lot of blank stares:)
Oh my gosh this is too funny:) he says:she says true. This conversation could totally be Ahmed and I. I think it is a guy thing to remember locations and us ladies we are all about the details:) This would make a great scrapbook page:)
ha! I remember nothing and my hubby remembers everything. Dig the long blond hair Cam! :)
I don't know about food and locations, but Brad remembers movies that we saw and I forget pretty much every one. Once we actually had this conversation:
Me: Remember that movie we saw about that woman, the weird too-skinny one and she freaks out when her kid dies and sort of goes off the deep end? What was that called?
Brad: You mean "The Deep End"?
oh how I love this story! the best. Such a couple thing....like the cartoon of the old married couple sitting at a table in a restaurant about to order...and he looks over at her and asks "is it me or you who hates broccoli?"
xoxo
this is a great post. i'd have to say both jared and i usually remember the food, but my memory is so terrible that i mess up all the details and can't remember anything more than 2 years ago (if that). happy belated birthday!! i forgot we were just two days apart in celebrating. just got back from long weekend in florida to celebrate my 30th. hope yours was as relaxing as mine!! best wishes for a fabulous year!
That's so funny! I read about how humans deal with storing large amounts of memory by letting our partners take certain details. Especially spouses end up delegating who keeps a hold of which important details.
I think I just have memory for smells.
Oh my goodness, I'm so far behind on EVERYTHING, mostly editing photos. But I'm putting that off to catch up with your life! This post really cracked me up. I think Peter and I must have similar conversations because he's a history/geography buff while I am NOT. And I talk about people and experiences and since he can never remember a name.... anyway, this post really touched home and cracked me up!
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